What kind of person to you want to be?
We were sitting in a circle. About 30 of us had gathered in central Wisconsin for a facilitator training event. As we waited for the session to begin, I looked around, sizing up my fellow participants.
My gut told me that a woman across the circle from me was someone I wanted to know. I was unaware that she was thinking the same thing about me. As fate would have it, we were assigned to the same small group, and that was how we discovered that we lived about 30 minutes from each other.
A fast friendship was formed.
There are several things about Marissa that I really appreciate. She is smart and can carry on a conversation, she loves a good hard laugh, and she genuinely cares for people. It’s been years since we first met – and I have since relocated – but we have remained friends. It’s the kind of friendship that doesn’t require daily connection. Instead, we just pick up where we left off.
In mid-December, I got a text from her that said something like, “Let me know when you can talk. I’ve got a story for you!”
I immediately opened her contact and pressed call. When she answered, all I heard was laughter. I knew this was going to be good!
For context, there are a few facts you need to know about Marissa. She is the Pastor of a small-town church in the rural Midwest. She is deeply committed to serving her community, and her work requires her to wear many hats.
She began by telling me her congregation was working on a project. They were collecting toys for children in need during the holiday season. Because she loves her community, she went into “I won’t take no for an answer” mode as she approached every business within a 30-mile radius of her town. She would walk in, confidently give her sales pitch about helping the kids, and then request a physical or cash donation. She left no stone unturned – she was doing this for the kids.
One of the last establishments on her list was a new thriving dispensary located on the edge of town. She hoped to get a cash donation. She entered the establishment and began speaking with the young female owner. She shared the name of the church she was with and what they were doing for the community, and then she invited the owner to support the cause.
Marissa told me the owner came alive! She was thrilled to be invited to support the community in this way. This may have been the first time a local church had formally set foot in the shop to ask how they could work together. After talking, the owner stepped into the back of the shop and returned with a donation for Marissa.
Marissa thanked her for her generosity and then walked out to her car with a $400 gift … of weed!
My small-town Pastor friend was now feeling a little nervous. This was uncharted territory for her. She started to place the large sum of weed under the groceries in her trunk but decided it might look like she was trying to hide it. She did the next best thing and called a member of her congregation who happened to be a Law Enforcement Officer. He assured her that it was legal and that she should go home and lock it up.
This was for the kids, all for the kids!
Marissa’s next step was to call several members of her congregation to discuss what they should do with the donated weed. Most of the congregants have lived in this rural agricultural community for generations, and many of them are aging. Marissa approached the topic with sensitivity, and she discovered that while there were questions and concerns, the members wanted to have an open dialogue about how to handle this.
As I reflect on this story, I realize the temptation might be to ask, “What’s the right thing to do in this situation?” But there is another question I find very valuable in complex leadership moments: “What kind of person do I want to be?”
I want to be the kind of person, like Marissa, who is committed to serving her community and invites others to join her in that endeavor. I want to be like the dispensary owner who was excited to give back and support kids in need. I want to be like the aging congregants who were willing to hear each other out. They were willing to have hard conversations about their values and how to put them into practice in the world.
There are moments in life and leadership that require us to consider the right thing to do, and there are other moments that invite us to consider the kind of person we want to be.
It feels like the start of a joke; “A small-town Pastor walks into a dispensary and walks out with $400 of weed.” But it wasn’t a joke; it was an opportunity to form new relationships, to invite others to give back, to have important conversations, and to make a difference because it was all for the kids …
What kind of person do you want to be?
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