Leadership is Love
In the midst of this global health crisis we are learning and relearning a lot about leadership. As someone who is personally skilled at observing and connecting dots, I am noticing how we are using words in new ways to help shape our experiences in a time of social distancing and isolation.
Most of my days are now spent utilizing online platforms to connect with groups and individuals. I have noticed that many of the groups I work with are ending their meetings by saying things like, “I love you guys!” This has been the case with student-athletes, coaches, business leaders, and my college friends as we wrap up a virtual happy hour or game night. It seems that our physical distance is an unwelcome barrier and it is functioning as a wall of separation. Rather than taking the chance of miscommunicating by assumption or omission, we are embracing clarity and specificity by saying “I love you” in contexts that are new for us. Expressing our love for people outside our most intimate circles is risky, but there is an underlying element of leadership at play.
A few months ago, I recorded a series of videos. In one of the videos, I shared the idea that leadership is love. Every fiber of my being believes this is true. I would consider this to be the lynchpin in my own leadership theory. If leadership is not about love, then it all falls apart for me.
In that same video, I also said, “how you love is how you lead.” While I stand by that statement, I want to go deeper. There is another level of truth that we can unearth, and it is this: who you love is how you lead.
When we lead from a place of love, we become experts at the art of noticing; we notice how policies impact those whom we love, we notice systems that prevent people from advancing, and we notice barriers that hold others back. We notice the needs of those whom we love, and we commit to leading them to a better place. When we love our people, we wake up each day thinking, “how can I make things better for those I am leading?” Our day-to-day micro leadership choices are directly influenced by who we love.
The decisions we make in leadership have an impact on those who follow us. However, we must also consider how our leadership impacts those whom they love. Failing to do so creates a ripple effect of positive change for some and a drought of being unseen for others. There is something beautiful about loving those who follow you but there is a sacredness in extending that love to include your followers and those whom they love.
The decision to follow someone is often, consciously or otherwise, rooted in a desire to follow someone who values us. In doing so we are assured that we are seen and known, that decisions, laws, policies, and opportunities will be implemented that are in our best interest because our leaders love us. The responsibility of leadership falls not only on the leader but also on followers. We must not only ask, “does this leader love me?” but also, “does this leader love the people whom I love?”
And this has naturally led me to consider my own leadership. I now sit in still and quiet spaces, reflecting upon the times when I may have loved those who chose to follow me, but failed to fully embrace those whom my followers loved. In the deeper interpersonal work, I find this shifting from a possibility to a probability. The odds are high that I, in my own leadership journey, have failed to see the full picture of all who are affected by my work and my words. This is a season of heavy internal lifting as I bring this dis-ease into the light. Intentional alchemy of my own leadership is a painful process.
Who you love is how you lead. Choosing to lead from a place of love is risky but so worth it. I believe our greatest leaders will always embody this truth. My invitation to you is to do the inner personal work of uncovering the truth of who you really love.
So, before we hang up, I know there are a multitude of barriers between us, but for my black readers I want to dive headfirst into the pool of clarity and say that I love you. This love is not merely a sentiment of the heart but also love in action. I am committed to following and leading from an extended boundary of love.
Who you love is how you lead.
Be well, friends.
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