Beggars Can’t Be Choosers

Just thinking about this moment makes my stomach turn.

I was at dinner with friends and friends of friends, and because I didn’t know everyone, I was in observer mode, quietly taking it all in.

Multiple conversations were happening around the dinner table, but when Derrick began to speak, everyone fell silent and focused on what he was saying.

I quickly learned that Derrick hated his job. Based on his description, he had an abusive leader, his workplace culture was unhealthy, and his job did not align with his personal values. It was May, and he had already taken all his vacation and sick days for the calendar year. His job was literally making him ill.

He said he needed a change and then shared that dreaded phrase, “But you know, beggars can’t be choosers.” I watched as everyone at the table slowly nodded in silent agreement as they reinforced Derrick's belief.

The group may have agreed, but I had to make sure my face didn’t turn into the green puking emoji. That was not the first impression I wanted to make on my new friends.

I have a history with that phrase – beggars can’t be choosers – it has always bothered me.

What I wish I had asked at that moment was, “Derrick, do you feel like you have to beg to have a job that aligns with your values?” I have a gut feeling the answer would have been a resounding yes.

When I think of a beggar, I picture someone who has hit rock bottom, but they don’t want to stay there. They are at their lowest point and looking for a way out. Just because you are at a low point doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a say in the next step in your life.

Imagine a single mother with three young children who live in a gun-ridden part of a city. Her kids can’t step outside to play due to drive-by shootings. This mother wants a safe place for her kids to grow up. To suggest to her that there is a house for rent four doors down doesn’t solve her problem. I don’t think you would look at her and say, “Well, mom, you know, beggars can’t be choosers.” I hope you would exhaust every possible option to help her choose a safe home for her children.

Or, imagine a friend dealing with a life-threatening medical crisis, but he is without a primary care doctor, which limits access to a specialist. You wouldn’t suggest he go to Urgent Care because, once again, “Beggars can’t be choosers.” No, it’s much more likely you would pool your resources to help him get the best treatment available.

In both instances, we would encourage people to fight and advocate for themselves, and we would celebrate them for doing so.

So why doesn’t this apply to Derrick? Shouldn’t we encourage people to have jobs that don’t make them sick?

The idea that beggars can’t be choosers is a social construct, and addressing it would disrupt an entire system. If the voiceless fail to find their voice, those in power never have to change.

I firmly believe that the quality of your work experiences directly impacts the quality of your life.

For change to happen, we need people to beg to do work that adds to the quality of their lives and to be choosers in what that looks like. This shift will force toxic leaders into new roles, level power dynamics, and instigate change.

Leaders haven’t challenged the inaccuracy of the “beggars can’t be choosers” social construct because unhealthy leaders will lose their power if people find their voice. Toxic leaders can double down on the status quo when they are the only ones with a voice.

And let’s face it, unhealthy leaders didn’t come into power accidentally; they made choices that allowed themselves to gain power, and they are fearful that you might do the same thing.

To me, when you are at rock bottom, feeling hopeless, facing your darkest hour, or finding yourself at the end of your rope, that is exactly the right time for you to choose what is best for you.

You’ve been fed a lie. People in power make choices that serve them well, and so can you.

In what aspect of your life are you begging for change?

Don’t believe the lie; choose today and every day.

Get your “Lightbulb Moments!” Your email arrives every other Wednesday filled with insights I ONLY share with my private clients … and YOU!