I Shouldn't Have To

I felt my heart drop as I walked into the room. I had arrived excited and ready to facilitate a full day with a new group, but I quickly realized the room setup had not been accurately described to me.

A good facilitator adjusts on the fly, often without anyone knowing a change had been made, and this situation was certainly going to test my ability in this area.

My client had requested a workshop requiring more PowerPoint slides than I normally use. However, the lighting in the room was terrible, and I immediately knew I needed to change some of the colors on my slides to make the text and images more visible.

Additionally, the room was narrow but very deep. This meant I would have to strike a balance between speaking loud enough that the people in the back could hear me without yelling at the people near the front. I began to mentally prepare myself for this challenge.

But the biggest obstacle of the day was a series of oddly placed columns throughout the room. The current set-up of tables and chairs would make it difficult for everyone to see the large TV we were using for my slides, so I started moving the furniture to try and work around the columns.

As the group arrived, I could feel their positive energy. They were excited for the day, and I didn't want to let some logistical issues impact the quality of their experience.

I decided to name some of the challenges for the group. I shared that the lighting was impacting the slides and, if needed, I could make more adjustments to the color. I shared that the room's depth would require me not to yell at the people in the front while I was screaming to the people in the back! I got a good laugh out of that comment. And lastly, I questioned the strange placement of the columns in the room. I encouraged everyone to self-advocate and move closer or farther, to adjust their chairs, or to switch to another table if that would be better for them.

I was thrilled to notice that multiple people took me up on that invitation.

We began our session, and just a few minutes later, a voice from the back of the room said, "I can't see the TV." It took me a moment to realize where the voice came from. It was a woman near the back of the room who was, for the most part, sitting directly behind a column. I responded by moving the TV to the right, and she said that was better.

We continued our session, and once again, I heard the same voice, "I can't see the TV." Again, I moved the TV. Throughout the morning, this happened multiple times with the same woman. I had to intentionally silence the voice in my head that was screaming, "Of course, you can't see the TV! You are sitting behind a column!!"

To give you some context, there were plenty of open seats with a direct line of sight, including four empty seats at her table. She had options to improve her view

While in line for lunch, this woman mentioned to me how much she was enjoying the workshop. I felt like a door had opened, and I said it seemed like one of those oddly placed columns was in her way. I asked her if she would like to select a different seat with a better view for the afternoon session.

She replied, "No. I am not moving. I shouldn't have to." It was a matter of fact. She wasn't angry. She simply stated the belief that she shouldn't have to move, and honestly, I felt bad for her.

Her limiting belief–that she shouldn't have to move–was negatively impacting her

experience. Limiting beliefs like this are powerful and they always have an impact.

As I flew home that night, I couldn't stop thinking about her response. Something was blocking her view, which was negatively influencing her experience. She had the power to make a change, to advocate for herself, but she chose not to because, as she said, "she shouldn't have to."

It hit home for me because I am in a season of unpacking some of my own limiting beliefs.

I often think of a limiting belief like a GPS with an attitude! When I moved to St. Louis, I needed my GPS every time I got in my car. The first couple of times I drove to the airport, my GPS told me to turn left and take the interstate. But one day, I had a strong hunch that a side street would get me there faster.

I pulled out of my driveway, ignored my GPS, and went straight when it told me to go left. It told me to make a U-turn at the next intersection, but I continued straight. And at every intersection for the next 4.5 miles, it told me to make a U-turn! My GPS believed the interstate was the only way.

That's what limiting beliefs do; they force us into outdated routines, minimize our options, and tell us we are wrong when we know we are right. Addressing your limiting beliefs is an empowering process.

I want to invite you to wrestle with your limiting beliefs.

The woman at this workshop was halfway right: You shouldn't have to live with limiting beliefs.

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