Being > Doing

A common question that often arises for leaders is what should I do when someone has separated themselves from a team or group? While many people put the responsibility on the person who has strayed, I think that healthy leaders are willing to go find the lost individual and bring them back to the group. However, in this moment of our collective history, I feel like it is important to add that simply being with people may be far more powerful than anything else we can do in helping them to reunite with a group.

If I have a super-hero power, it is likely my ability to observe, connect dots, and see patterns that are emerging within our culture, a sub-culture, a specific team, or a group. Over the last few months, I have been on the road doing face-to-face work with a variety of groups. I have observed a trend in nearly every session I have led; there is a palpable heaviness in the air.

When I start a session, I typically open with a simple “check-in.” However, since August I have had multiple sessions where I’ve had to scrap my agenda and make peace with the fact that we weren’t going to get past the check-in. My training has taught me that what needs to surface for a group will surface, and my role as a facilitator is to hold the space and provide ways for people to process what is showing up in the room. In these moments, my job is more about being and less about doing.

On more than one occasion, a group has been reduced to tears by simply hearing a prompt like; “How’s your heart?” In these moments, I watch as people wrestle with the surprise of the rawness and the depth of emotions that have suddenly surfaced for them. Individuals usually begin by sharing that they don’t understand the wave of feelings they are experiencing at that moment, then the tears begin to flow, followed by more questions about what they are feeling, and then they often begin to share very personal stories with the group. 

I’ve witnessed people telling their teammates or co-workers how alone they have felt during the past year and a half. They talk about the fact that they have lost one or two parents, or they have a teenage child struggling with mental health issues, or they have gone through a painful break-up, or they are dealing with a scary and complex medical diagnosis. While these scenarios are very difficult experiences, they are compounded exponentially by the fact that many people feel like they are going through this alone. There is something healing in knowing that others not only understand your struggles, but that they are close enough in proximity to witness the pain in your journey. These transformative moments happen when people choose to simply be with others.

A few nights ago, I was meditating with my favorite teacher, Sarah Blondin who shared the following question: “Is this moment in front of you being left better because it connected with you?”  In private, tear-filled moments with groups, the question she shared is my underlying hope; that a team, or co-workers, or even strangers could gather to witness the lives of others and discover in the act of being together that everyone is left better. 

And in facilitating this work, I too am transformed. I get to witness the best of humanity; humans showing up for each other, reaching out to those who have felt lost, listen to their pain, being with them, and eventually helping them find their way out of isolation and safely back to the group. 

But one of the biggest trends I am observing is how so many leaders are deeply struggling during this season of life. Many are working to intentionally connect and reconnect with those they are serving but these same leaders are also exhausted because they too feel alone. I am not surprised by the number of leaders who have shared with me that they aren’t sure how much more they can take. If you are a leader, I have some questions for you; who is witnessing the struggles you are facing? Who is walking with you on this journey? Who is leaving you better because they connected with your story?

If you feel that you have lost your way, that you are the one who is separate from a group, or that you don’t have anyone walking with you and witnessing your journey, then you need to find a community. Life is better in community with others. The human experience wasn’t meant to happen alone. 

If being is more important than doing, who can you be with during this challenging season of life?

And finally, if you’d like to learn more about some of the communities I am creating to allow space for people to be together please do reach out.

Let’s find ways to connect so we can leave each other better …

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