Heroes and Helpers
A few months ago, I was on Zoom wrapping up a Group Coaching series I had been co-hosting. Over the course of a few weeks, I witnessed the participants grow in ways I had not anticipated. Each Tuesday night I looked forward to hearing insights and reflections of growth from the group.
On this night, we were closing with affirmations. Some people might call this a mirroring exercise – a process of reflecting back to others on how they show up in the world. In a protected space with boundaries and trust in place, mirroring can be a powerful tool for personal growth. The insights are often honest, unfiltered, and life-giving.
The person reflecting back to me was someone I have known for nearly a decade. A few months after she completed her undergraduate degree, she became my Graduate Assistant for the college soccer team I was coaching. In fact, she was my only assistant, so we spent a lot of time together. I have some great memories from that season of life.
During the affirmation process, she shared that I always see the good in others. She mentioned that over the last decade, she has noticed that I often try to encourage and build on the strengths of others rather than insisting they stop to improve on their weaknesses.
She is right, I would much prefer to help someone take a strength from an A to an A+ than tackle a long list of weaknesses. We live in a culture that tends to over-emphasize improving upon weaknesses. However, I have witnessed that high performers often have one thing they do really well, and I want to help people discover what that is. I believe we spend too much time trying to be average at everything. We should take note of high performers and dive into and commit to our strengths.
But here is an added layer of truth that my former assistant didn’t mention; seeing the strengths or the good in others isn’t the first step for me. My process begins by first noticing the pain that others are carrying.
When I meet someone and listen to their story, I often find myself thinking, “You went through that and you are still here? You are still showing up? Still making a difference? Still trying?” In these moments, I want to highlight the good they bring to the world.
Intentional relationship building has taught me to embrace the fact that everyone has a unique story.
Through Joseph Campbell’s work, we learn the concept of the Hero’s Journey. While others have written on this concept, I like Campbell’s framework. He breaks this journey into clear stages with descriptive phrases like; “The Belly of the Whale,” “The Road of Trials,” and “The Refusal of the Return.” These stages sound challenging and painful. However, he also clearly states that every Hero’s Journey absolutely requires one thing – the arrival of a helper.
He makes it very clear, it isn’t a Hero’s Journey without helpers.
I believe every human I encounter has the potential to pursue a meaningful journey. I also think one of the best ways I can serve as a helper is to assist others in seeing the gifts they bring to the world. I am humbled that I get to help people in this way, and I am filled with deep gratitude when others do this for me. There have been moments in my life when someone has mirrored my gifts to me in a way that changed the trajectory of my life.
Imagine how different our lives would be if leaders, teammates, and colleagues took the time to listen deeply to the stories of those around them? We would likely begin to see that we have more in common than we can imagine. We would also be reminded that everyone in our orbit is on a journey filled with challenges and pain, and they – like each of us – need a helper.
We are more than our scars, more than our pain, and more than the story that has been written to date. Heroes come in all forms, but one thing is for sure, every hero needs a helper.
At this stage in life, I can see that heroes and helpers go hand in hand. We don’t have one without the other, and the world is hungry for both.
How will you be a helper today?
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