Just Say No
Just say no. Those words are a quick trip down memory lane for some of you. However, you may need an explanation if you are a generation older or younger than me.
I am a part of Generation X, also known as the Just Say No Generation. Our elementary school experience was filled with posters, lectures, and assemblies promoting the “Just Say No” campaign. The core message of this movement was exactly what it sounds like. If someone offers you a cigarette, just say no! As you get older, if someone offers you alcohol, just say no! And my goodness, should an offer for marijuana ever come your way, just say no!
The intentions were good, but most of Generation X cringes at those words.
For me, it is the word “just.” Urgh. Just feels oversimplified, even reductionist.
Would you tell someone who has never run a race that they should just wake up tomorrow and run a marathon? Or advise someone in significant credit card debt to just put 50% of their paycheck in their savings account each month? How about suggesting to someone whose family has been abusive that they should just forgive them?
What is on the other side of “just” is often complicated, and saying “just” feels like a way to minimize the hard things.
I recently experienced my own painful just say no moment.
I have a client that I really like. They are so much fun, kind to me, committed to their growth, and they pay me very well. They are my kind of people. They have been with me for many years, and I always enjoy being in their presence.
But I’ve been sensing for a while that my time with them might be coming to an end. I’ve questioned whether this could be my last year working with them. The fact is, the work they need from me requires Molly 2.0 to show up, and right now, I’m on Molly 8.0 or 9.0.
Did I mention that I love these people? It’s true, I do, but something about the work they need me to do feels out of alignment with the current version of me.
About a month ago, I woke up, and it hit me hard. I wasn’t going to be done with this client in a year; I was done now. I didn’t see this coming. I sat down and ran the numbers, and I would take a financial hit if I said no to them. How could I justify turning down a solid paycheck from a client that I really enjoy?
Let me clarify:
• We didn’t have a contract.
• There was no date on the calendar for this year.
• There was no formal agreement that we would work together every year.
If I wanted out, all I had to do was just say no.
That afternoon, while making a turkey sandwich, tears welled up in my eyes, and a wave of grief hit me. I said aloud, “Why am I crying over a turkey sandwich?!” That was when I realized how sad I was about ending this relationship. I care about them a lot.
My body told me I needed to end this working relationship. However, I was worried about the financial impact. It is hard to just say no in the face of peer pressure, but it is equally hard when you want to do the right thing, treat people well, build a business on healthy values, and, of course, pay your bills.
I picked up the phone and called my point of contact. I let her know I couldn’t work with them this year. Do you know what her reaction was?
“Oh man, Molly we have loved working with you. If there is anything we can do for you in the future, please let us know!” Like I said, these are good people.
Saying no is hard, but hard doesn’t mean it isn’t right.
The bonus in this story is that six hours after I said no, I got an offer from a new client who is 100% in alignment with the current version of me. Their project was worth one and a half times what the previous client would have paid me.
Sometimes you have to say no to the old to make room for the new.
Beginnings and endings go hand in hand.
Saying no to one thing allows you to say yes to the next thing.
Say no, friends. Just say no …
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