Make the Room Bigger
This is a tale of two teams. The first is a college volleyball team. It was preseason and I was facilitating a team-building session with them. We were doing an activity that required participants to be blindfolded. After they put their blindfolds on, I placed a couple of wooden shapes in each player’s hands. They then needed to figure out what shapes they were holding — while blindfolded — to complete the activity. Most of the team was making progress, but there was one player who was absolutely lost. In one hand she held a five-point star, but she was convinced it was a heart. She kept yelling, “I have a heart! One of my shapes is a heart!” How she thought a five-point star was a heart is beyond me!
Since the players were all blindfolded, I looked at the head coach and pointed toward that player. I mouthed the words, “is she a key player?” The coach nodded her head yes and mouthed back, “she’s the best player in the Conference.” I smiled and laughed. There were 12 teams in that Conference and the best player didn’t know a star from a heart.
In contrast, I was working with a basketball team, and they were also doing an activity that included blindfolds. This team needed to work together to come up with a solution for a very complex problem and they were struggling to find a way forward. The room was loud and chaotic with people talking over each other. Suddenly one of the players asked everyone to be quiet. She shared that she had an idea that might help the team. I smiled because what she went on to suggest was the missing piece that the group needed to be able to move forward. I also noticed that the entire coaching staff was quietly celebrating this player’s advice.
I stepped away from the team, walked over to the head coach and whispered, “is she a key player?” The coach shook her head no. She replied, “she will never play, but she is a great teammate. We inherited her from the previous coaching staff, and she just doesn’t fit in our style of play. Her teammates don’t really see her value. It is nice to see them listening to her.” In that activity, the player who was perceived as having the least value was the person who saved the team.
These lightbulb moments are magical. Imagine being on a team and discovering that you can be successful even when your best player isn’t performing well. Or, realizing that when your team is stuck it might be the player who is the farthest from the action who is the holder of the wisdom. These are powerful insights, but they don’t have to happen only when a team-building consultant is present, and they certainly apply to all industries, from the locker room to the boardroom.
There is a concept in communication known as, “making the room bigger.” The term often shows up in conflict resolution and more specifically in de-escalation techniques. It doesn’t mean we need to physically move the walls of a room, instead, it references the art of making space for other people’s needs and voices. I think that same premise applies to developing people.
When the leader always has the answers, the room becomes so small that others can’t contribute. One of the best gifts a leader can give to their people is to admit they don’t have an answer. By not knowing, leaders are creating the space for others to know; they are making the room bigger
When leaders choose to make the room bigger, others can brainstorm, problem-solve, own the process, be the hero, and lead in their own unique way. A complaint I often hear from leaders is, “she just won’t step up and lead,” but sometimes the leader needs to get out of the way. Have you ever been on a narrow staircase wanting to go faster but there was a person in front of you who was going slow? If you can’t get around that person you are stuck behind them, moving at their pace, and too often leaders — by always having all the answers — are blocking their people from stepping up.
If you want those around you to lead, to grow, to find their voice, to reimagine their potential, then make the room bigger. This is counterintuitive for most leaders who believe they must have all the answers. But maybe what your team needs in a pressure-filled situation is for you to admit that you don’t know a star from a heart, and in that moment the person you perceive as the least valuable player may step up as the true MVP.
Sometimes the best gift we can give to those we are leading is to simply not have all the answers.
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