A Question for Milli Vanilli
The work I do generally starts with a team, but it often leads to other specific areas of growth. After we unpack how the group is doing, we may discover a need to invest in developing the leaders, establishing team culture, resolving conflict, or prioritizing personal growth. One of my favorite sessions that connects with several of these themes is called, “What Else is Could it Be?” In this session, we examine points of tension, and consider what could be underneath the surface, contributing to the problems at hand. We use experiential exercises to introduce the topic and make our way to a deep debrief. In the process, we often realize there is a lot more to the story.
When working with teams and organizations, I have learned that conflict is often tied to what they think they know vs. the whole story. Let’s consider these statements, “my coach just hates me,” “I’ll never be considered for a promotion because of my age,” or “my co-workers are trying to sabotage me.” While this might feel true, it is worthwhile to pause and ask, “what else could it be?” In doing so, you may discover that your coach doesn’t actually hate you. Instead, he is tired because he is now the primary caregiver for his aging parents, and he isn’t getting enough sleep at night. It is helpful to know the whole story.
In 1989, the pop scandal that rocked the world featured a singing duo known as Milli Vanilli. They were best known for hits like Girl You Know It’s True and Blame it On the Rain. They won a Grammy for their first album but during a live MTV performance their vocal track jammed, and it was revealed to the world that the duo had been lip-syncing their performances. Later we learned that they were not even the vocalists featured on the record-breaking album. They were forced to return their Grammy, were dropped from their recording label, and were shammed by pop culture for this deceiving act. However, before we condemn this duo, I want to pose the question, what else could it be?
Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus were the two individuals known as Milli Vanilli. When they were approached by a producer about forming the group, the two had been living in poverty. They were staying in a housing project in Munich and on occasion they had to steal food just to survive. Signing a recording contract changed their lives.
Unbeknownst to the public, the duo was uncomfortable misleading their fans and they did advocate for a change. They wanted to record their own vocals but the demands they made behind closed doors were ultimately ignored. The two were in a very difficult spot. The money they had been given as an advance on their contract had already been spent on basic living expenses. There was no way out of this deal. While they didn’t like what they were doing, they were now pawns in a much larger system.
Taking credit for someone else’s vocals was wrong but learning that other people were involved and understanding the bigger picture changed how I view them. With just surface information I felt that they were horrible humans who profited by misleading others. However, pausing for a moment and asking “what else could it be” revealed a much more complex story. In asking that question I discovered the facts behind the facts and what surfaced was some much-needed empathy.
The next time you think you know; I want to encourage you to dig a little deeper and consider that there might be a story behind the story. When we fail to seek more information, we fail ourselves and we fail others. When we don’t have the whole story, we end up making up a story and that has the potential to damage relationships and limit future success.
The work we do with others as a member of a team or an organization can be stressful, but when it is done with intentionality it can be incredibly rewarding.
People deserve to be a part of teams and organizations that embrace the question, “what else could it be?”
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